When I started reading “Men We Reaped” by Jesmyn Ward, I did not know that I would be finishing the book right when I needed it the most. Ward’s struggle with grief and loss helped me process what was going on in my own life and gave me a much needed companion. It has always been difficult to talk about loss or processing grief with those around me. I know that others are here for me, but there is always that sense of loneliness that strikes me during these times. Jesmyn’s memoir gave me someone that understood, someone that had also struggled to find peace during the dark times in her life.
I’ve dealt with an unfortunately large number of deaths this year. I’ve said goodbye to friends, uncles, grandfathers. I’ve learned what it is like being an adult, living far from home, and having responsibilities while dealing with loss. The one that hit me the hardest was the passing of my grandfather last week.
He passed away suddenly on a night when I was meeting up with a new friend. I got the message from my mom and had to step out from our meet up, not really knowing what to do next. I live about a 2 hour plane ride from any of my immediate family members so I couldn’t really head home and I live about a 6 hour plane ride from my family in Mexico, which is where my grandfather passed away. I stood there after calling my mom, stuck, trying to understand what I was feeling. I was still for about 5 minutes just trying to understand what happened. It wasn’t until I called my boyfriend that it really hit me. Tears rolled down my cheeks and all I knew is that I didn’t want to be there. I wanted to be home. I needed to be home.
The news came to me during one of my busiest months. I was putting together the Hispanic Heritage Month events for the Latino Employee Resource Group I led at work. I was training a new coworker who had started just a few days earlier. My boyfriend and I were getting ready to celebrate our anniversary and were going through different places and activities to mark the date. I was busy making new friends and getting settled in my new city. I just started a blog and was taking a few courses online. There was so much to juggle, so many other places where my energy was already being spent. However, like the people in Jesmyn’s memoir, I had to find ways to keep going. With the help of others around me, I said goodbye to the men in my life in my own way while attempting to run at full throttle.
When my grandfather passed, I was about 3/4ths of the way done with Ward’s memoir. I empathized with her loss, having lost people this year as well, and with her community’s battles. However, it wasn’t until the wound was torn open again that I felt the words being spoken directly to me.
“But this grief, for all its awful weight, insists that he matters.” (Ward, 243)
I read this line two nights after my grandfather passed. I couldn’t read past this.
My eyes swelled with tears. I felt everything in this quote. My sadness, my loneliness, my joy, my grandfather, my grief, everything. This quote broke me but also gave me the words I needed to continue.
So really, I wanted this post to be a thank you. Thank you to everyone in my life who has made sure that I can keep going. Thank you to my family for understanding that we all grieve in our own way. Thank you to Jesmyn Ward for giving me guidance and and sharing your story. While we both have had different life experiences and grew up in different communities, you were there when I needed someone who understood losing someone far away from you physically but near & dear to your heart. You sharing your story has inspired me to share a bit of mine and to be more present within my community.
For those of you looking for something to read, I would highly “Men We Reaped”. This collection of memories gives you a window into her experience in the south and how racism and inequalities affected the lives of everyone in her community. She winds through different times, going as back as talking about her parents and comes back to present day. This form gives a wider view into how trauma and hardship affects generations and what it was like growing up in her community. In her writing, you see her fight with the “why?” and some of the struggles that Black communities in the United States face.
Click here to learn more about her and check out her latest work!
Thank you for allowing me to use this medium to process what has happened this past week or so. I look forward to writing more about the other books I have been reading and to hear what suggestions might be out there. I hope all is well.
Evil Elvi Reads 